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How often have heard that old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” Do you believe it? I hope not, because it just isn’t true! Verbal abuse hurts – period!
Name-calling – especially when the person doing it is a parent or teacher, or someone we had always thought of as a friend, is one of the hardest things to bear. If yelling and screaming was the way you were brought up, try and remember how it made you feel. Did it work with you – I doubt it! You probably felt belittled, devalued, and insignificant. And if it didn’t work with you, why expect it to work for your kids?
Surely, you don’t want your own children to feel about you the way you did about your upbringing. Verbal abuse causes emotional trauma resulting in long-term psychological damage and can undermine your child’s self esteem, damage his or her ability to trust anyone or form relationships, and can eat away at their academic and social skills.
Using name-calling against your child, or swearing at them, insulting them, or threatening to inflict bodily harm on them, blaming them or using sarcasm against them are all forms of verbal abuse.
Assuming, though, that you are not inflicting verbal abuse on your child (after all, you deserve the benefit of doubt) doesn’t necessarily mean that your child isn’t on the receiving end of any. It’s vitally important, therefore, to watch out for and recognise any signs that your child could be suffering from verbal abuse, such as:
do they have a negative self-image of themselves;
do they commit self-destructive acts, such as cutting, hitting or scratching themselves;
do they engage in reckless or dangerous activities;
do they exhibit signs of physical aggression;
are they delinquent in school;
do they display interpersonal problems;
do they hit other children;
do they frequently fight with classmates at school;
are they cruel to animals;
do they exhibit delays in their social, physical, academic or emotional development.
Though none of these signs necessarily mean your child is suffering from verbal abuse, they are all signs you need to watch out for and require further investigation to establish their cause. It’s important to be aware that if your child is suffering verbal abuse they may just as well show all, some or just one of those symptoms.
Research recently carried out suggests that those who suffer from verbal abuse as children are highly likely to suffer further abuse in later life, and may even become abusers themselves. They may also become depressed and self-destructive in later life
Most parents, at one time or another, can become frustrated and angry with their children – nothing wrong with that, it’s perfectly normal. What is wrong is if those parents then lash out verbally in these situations and wind up saying things that they later regret. Especially so if these instances increase in frequency; then it really becomes a cause for concern.
If this in any way describes you, or you think you’re capable of stooping to such outbursts, then it’s imperative you seek professional help before it’s too late. You need to look for more positive, meaningful and constructive forms of discipline, and for help in learning how to control your anger.
If you feel an outburst coming on try and give yourself some time out – count to ten, or whatever works for you; but cool your anger before it cools your relationship with your child. Remember that all children learn from experience so don’t be a bad example to him/her and refrain from saying mean, sarcastic or belittling things: they only serve to reinforce bad behaviour in your child.
They are a precious gift to you and should be treated with love, kindness, respect and tenderness. If you exhibit one or more of these traits to your child every day, they will learn to display those same traits to others, both now and when they become adults.
If you are a juvenile and are currently suffering verbal abuse, whether from a parent, a teacher or another child, don’t suffer in silence. AS this very short video shows, you don’t need to bottle it up. Tell someone or go online to the address in the clip. You’ll be glad you did!
You may also be interested in the following video (about 10 minutes in length: “Words Can Hurt“)
Sticks and stones may break their bones but words will come back to haunt them!
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