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It’s of no use getting a child to ‘do as I say’ if what I say differs from what I do.
It’s what we do and not what we say that has most impact on impressionable young minds.
Learning by imitation, what some would call ‘mirror action’, is how children, even from a very early age, develop their own personality and learn how to:
react to others;
behave in company;
care for themselves;
develop new skills; and
generally communicate.
How many of us have occasionally cringed to watch our kids ‘do as we do’ and not as we say. Yes, we’re only human and we sometimes make mistakes, but leading by example must be the most important thing we can do for our kids. And we should own up to mistakes when we make them, communicating openly and honestly with all family members.
From the very earliest moments of their lives children are attentive to those closest to them, usually their parents and siblings, and learn to pattern their own behaviour and beliefs after those they’ve seen. Those examples become for them permanent images shaping their attitudes and actions throughout the rest of their life.
Being responsible, consistent and loving with your child is so important. Equally important is realising that your spouse, your parents, and other family members and friends may also be a part of your child’s life and so this also holds true for the relationships you have with them in front of your child.
When we’re focusing on what’s best for our child and our family it’s easy to neglect our own needs but yet it’s so important to take good care of ourselves precisely for our family’s sake – they’re counting on us physically and emotionally, so it’s imperative that we teach our child by example that taking care of ourselves helps us to take care of them and the rest of our family.
It is an important lesson for a child to see that not only do we love them and the rest of the family, but we love ourself as well and is a vital step in teaching a child about self esteem. Organise a sitter and go out. Doing so will demonstrate that you are not only their parent, but your own person with your own interests and needs, and also gives them a chance to show us how well they can do without us around them for a while.
Our relationship with our spouse must also be nurtured if we want early on for our child to understand what a healthy marriage should be like. And so we should always communicate with each other in a positive and healthy manner, showing love and affection for one another.
There is a story told about Mahatma Ghandi in which a reporter ran up to him as his train was about to leave the station. “Mr. Ghandi”, the reporter begged, “I would like to bring a message back to your people. What shall I tell them?” Ghandi quickly found a piece of paper and wrote on it, “My life is my message”.
Make your life your message and you’ll soon see your child patterning many of his behaviours after your own. “Do as I do, not as I say” is a useful maxim in life and one instinctively understood by children.
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