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We all know just how difficult it can be communicating anything to our children, especially when they’re absorbed in the latest World of Warcraft game or whatever is the latest craze.

Yet positive discipline relies on successful two way communication – parents need to make the rules and punishments known, and kids need to take them on board and understand the consequences of not abiding by them.

If either party fails in this task the result is ineffective discipline and a breakdown of trust and peace in the home.

Setting clear expectations regarding what’s acceptable behaviour and what isn’t is imperative to child discipline, successfully teaching your child right from wrong.

When the parameters are not clearly stated or if your child learns that where the rules hold true in one situation but not in another, it just makes for confusion and frustration on both sides.

Hopefully, well before any misdeeds occur, you should have sat down with your child and discussed what constitutes bad or inappropriate behaviour and the consequences that would follow from it.

Make it clear that in no uncertain terms will there be any room for negotiation at the time of the infraction, and that should such a behaviour occur you intend to be firm in your discipline. Now is the time to negotiate what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour and what the consequences will be for overstepping the mark, not once an infraction has occurred.

There should be no room, though, for negotiating rules designed to protect your child’s health, safety or well-being.

Other rules, though, can be openly and honestly discussed with your child, including acceptable levels of punishment, that both parents and child can agree upon. If necessary, and your child is mature enough to appreciate it, make a contract between yourself and them. Lay it all out in black and white, in language your child can clearly understand.

Younger children will probably respond better to a good behaviour chart within the contract: for each week that goes by without any infractions being noted, a favourite or special activity can be earned. The connection between doing something good and being rewarded with a special time with mum or dad could be what finally drives the message home.

There are some days, though, when it just seems so much easier to let your child have their own way than feeling like you’re fighting a losing battle when trying to discipline children.

They beg, plead, cry, barter and scream – anything to get out of doing the time for their crime.

But it’s times like this when consistent disciplinary action is imperative if you’re ever to stand a chance of teaching your child right from wrong. There is no room for negotiation when it comes to bad behaviour and, equally, there should be no room for exceptions to the consequences when it comes time for punishment.

If you have been concise and consistent when discussing the consequences, when the time comes to implement them, you can follow through with relative ease as your child already knows what to expect.

Pushing the envelope, testing the boundaries and limits set on them, is a natural and ongoing part of growing up. The temptation for parents to ‘bend the rules’ just once or twice can be overwhelming, especially when they’re really trying your patience.

But be firm yet fair; remind them that this was the understood consequence for this particular misdeed or inappropriate action, and that now is not the time to negotiate. Afterwards, when the steam has gone out of the situation, you can safely take time out to discuss what happened with your child.

If it becomes obvious that a consequence that used to work before no longer achieves the desired effect, then rethink that punishment in negotiation with your child – it may be time to develop a new consequence based on your child’s age, temperament or maturity level.

Consistency, though, doesn’t just lie in always following through with your declared consequences! To be truly consistent both parents, together with any caregivers or guardians, need to be in agreement, following through on punishments with the same level of consistency and clarity.

This is especially hard for divorced or separated parents but no less essential. And such parents should never use their disciplining of the child (or lack of it) as a lever to use against their former partner, tempting as that may be. A child must never be a bargaining chip though, sad to say, they often are.

All children need to understand that in disciplining them you are merely trying to teach them what’s acceptable behaviour from what isn’t. It may seem as though they’re always fighting against rules and regulations, but they need to grasp that these rules and regulations are meant for their well-being, health and safety, and that they will enable them to grow into a mature person capable of making wise decisions.

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